So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
