i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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