Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
