i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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