i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
