Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
