hell yes lets make some ravioli
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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