i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
