You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
