there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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