I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
