Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
