it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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