he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
