Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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