those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
