I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
