Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
FUCK WHALES
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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