just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I don't deserve a penis
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
