there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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