Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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