you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
