community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
