i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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