We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
