am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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