Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Bring me that man meat
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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