we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
