Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
