I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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