Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I could fuck to npr.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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