Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
