You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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