why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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