I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
