Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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