please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
