so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
