i wish starbucks made bloody marys
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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