Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
