You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
