Plan B is the new Plan A
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
