i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
