Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
