You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
