I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
