FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
