I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
