Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
