quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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