I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
