I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
