i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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