The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize