I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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