Im at strip club and am horny
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I deserve this hangover.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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