dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
