Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
