I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
