HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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