Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
