Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
