3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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