Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
