Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
