then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
