You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
