my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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