you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
